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Monday, April 30, 2012

The Great Anti Blogger and Other Dutch Bags

Warning! We interrupt your regularly scheduled Disney style writing to bring you this profane rant. If you don't like profanity, leave now and go over to Huffpo. That's where the pussies, girly men, and socialists congregate.

This is my 1500th post.

Locked away in my mother's basement with nothing on but some undies with holes near the elastic, I hump this keyboard. Three years' worth.

This is the kind of writing that a 9th grade education gets you. Kids, stay in school. Or drop out and go into the Navy. Do something useful with your lives. But whatever you decide to do- don't become a writer. The world does not need one more writer.

Fucking waste of energy.

So a couple of years ago, I am in a grocery store where a man named Larry* a politician in Moonbat Valley, is fondling eggplant. I never liked this guy. He's a rich little bastard, born with a silver spoon in his mouth. Went to boarding schools and shit. That kind of guy.

He is one of those guys who hates me. He hates me because I write nasty shit about him and expose some dirty laundry here and there. So I think all of this is fair, this mutual hatred that I started and that we share. Of course, I hate eggplant too. I have only seen women eat eggplant.

So anyway, the great anti blogger Larry says, "You still giving your opinions on everything?" This is the kind of thing that guys like him say. They call these things "passive aggressive." When you break it down into it's parts, that sort of question is really not a question at all. It is much easier and far more direct- to just call me an asshole. When I was a kid we declared people who said shit like that, pussies, and we beat the hell out of them. Things were settled so much quicker than the long and drawn out judicial proceedings that we are now forced to endure.

Larry, gawd help you if you say something like that to me again. I will stick that eggplant up your ass and collect my first battery ticket.

This is what I wanted to say today, mainly to my bloggers in arms. Thank you for being the maniacs that you are. Thank you Republican Mother for being a staunch libertarian, refusing to use profanity, and supporting Ron Paul who somehow has become the Republican anti-christ. Thank you WireCutter for being a funny bastard and a good ol fashioned cop hater. Thank you Irish, for the softcore porn you put up. Thank you Arctic Patriot for your resistance. Always on Watch I appreciate your government hating ways. And thank you Dave in Denver and Jim G. for your insightful writing and optimism.Thank you to those I have missed.

Be true to your selves and write like you mean it. Don't let the lurkers, clingers, trolls, and dutch bags get you down. Thank you for enriching my life and thank you for your courage. Now get the hell out of here and find something to write about.


Anonymous said...

I'd rather watch you shove that eggplant up his ass, but since that's not going to happen I guess I'll go back to writing.

One Guy 2012 said...

I must confess, the image of you shoving an eggplant up some weak-assed liberal's ass is quite amusing, and so needed during this time of national mourning, I mean, The Rule of Obama.

I'm laughing to myself about the profanity thing, simply because I am finding it more difficult to NOT cuss when it comes to our government. I can say, They suck!, but it has more meaning when I say, They fucking suck! You know what I mean. And true, it is offensive and shows my lack of ability or desire to speak more properly, but these are dangerous times we are in, and thusly they have helped make me that much more dangerous. Just like you.

I a perfect world we would give Washington an enema of epic proportions, flshing out the shitheaded politicians and sycophantic fellatio-givers of the liberal and progressive anti-American shade. And the GOP, as well. They have become as impotent as a homosexual male at a Vegas burlesque show dressing room.

Long Live the Republic, Brian. Until they take my electricity or my guns, I will remain, as ever, the proverbial thorn in their side. Again, just like you.

MizuBob said...

You could always say something like... "Are you still sucking at the public teat?"
beats a battery charge I guess, though probably not as fulfilling.
Love the blog.