The sounds of human anguish never really leave me. I think when most people mention suicide they think about it in a personal way or if they have no experience with it- in some simplistic way. Mention the word suicide to me and it's like a time machine. It conjures up a whole raft of memories. Preventable deaths, I thought. Especially the kids.
He told me that the responding cops had taken his 13 guns and had missed a Colt .45 that he had kept in his car. He asked if I wanted to take it too. I told him no because he had suddenly changed my thinking about preventing these things.
I was really angry that Dave had to take someone with him. Dave's journey here was an awful thing- and a day or two later I got to revisit the whole nightmare again. The parents of the young man he killed showed up. They wanted answers, closure. I don't think they got it from me. That was one of the worst hours of my life.
You never think you will contemplate something as insane as suicide until you do. Life has a a way of bringing the sanctimonious to their knees.
Of course not. People always have choices including the people who commit suicide. Sure it's tragic but what other people do ultimately...does not have anything to do with us. I can't take credit for their good decisions or their bad ones. All that is left for us- is to try and make sense of the non sensical.
The answer of course is that we cannot peer into some one's mind or see the future. The solution for us is simply acceptance and comforting those that we can. Today I can go from shock to acceptance within 24 hours. I have a spiritual solution. I do not beat myself up for failing to see the future in some fantasy crystal ball sort of way that does not exist.
I feel sorry for those DJ's. It was just a silly prank that went awry in the worst possible way. Oddly, I see them as the victims, and not the nurse.