Many years ago, I worked with a deputy who I really didn't care for at first. He was gruff, jaded, and tough. He had been on a riverboat gunship in Vietnam. Prior to that he had killed a kid towing irrigation pipe on an unlit trailer near his hometown. Despite all that, Eugene became a deputy sheriff.
The first few times that Eugene and I squared off- things didn't go very well. Eventually, we had a conversation where I asked him, "You don't like me very much, do you?"
At that moment he stared back at me and said, "no I don't." He explained that I was a smart ass and a know it all who didn't know shit. I think he even called me a punk.
I listened to what he had to say. Therein lies the secret to our friendship which lasted until the day he died.
He told me the truth. His truth. What I did with that was up to me.
What I did do was evaluate all the things that I had said to him, about him, and the way I had treated him.
I looked for understanding. I realized he was right and as gruff as he was, he helped me grow up. It was the greatest gift anyone ever did for me. But I think he was smart enough to know that I might actually evaluate what he had to say.
From that point on, I worked hard to be a better person. I learned to value honesty and the truth. The truth has great value and it works in the long run.
Being authentic or having integrity is absolutely essential. If you don't have that, you have nothing. Your relationships are all superficial and shallow, Animosity and bad feelings begin to grow. People do not trust folks because they aren't sure whether they are telling the truth or not. Once your credibility is shot, people no longer seek you out for friendly activities or advice.
It is one of the biggest choices you will ever make. People respect the truth. Anything less will not work.
I felt a great deal of remorse when Eugene passed away. He was one of the few people who told the truth no matter what the situation was or who might leave with hurt feelings. It took me many years to understand that Eugene had made a decision sometime in his life. A conscious decision. One of the very few people with the courage to make the correct decision knowing people would find it unpleasant.
Choose wisely.
