Search This Blog

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Write Like a Hillbilly, Edit Like a Moran*

Hi it's me. Frankenstein. It's Sunday morning. I have finished my editing chores. For now.

Every time I think about the word "moron" I think of that idiot holding this sign. Normally I wouldn't believe anyone was that stupid if in fact this guy didn't look the way that he does. It all just congruent.

Get a Brain Morans

I love this pic and this guy. I want to make this picture my new screensaver. I mean that. You see that American flag doo rag? I would bet serious money that this guy rides a Japanese motorcycle.

Every week, I scan hundreds of news stories on line. From those, I pick out a few links. Some cause me to think. That's what happened when I read a piece last week on the ten happiest countries and noted that Israel numbered among them. Israel. That's the place where everyone goes into the military. That's the race of people everyone hates and wants to kill. That little postage stamp of a country where bombs are dropped off every now and then and a bunch of people die. Happy.

They landed in the top ten. The USA didn't. In fact our placing at 11th in my view- is absolutely erroneous. The opinion I hold is the culmination of hundreds of hours of studying on line, of listening to travelers and friends, of looking up everything from health stats to expatriate numbers if you can find them. My best guess at the number of American expats is somewhere around 10 million. Ten million people have decided that living somewhere else is a good idea. They might have something to say about the happiness index.

Nobody asks them. Probably... because we already presume to know the answer.

At any rate, I want to apologize. Often when I put stuff up, it's late at night. Sometimes, I wake up like I did this morning and think, "who wrote that piece of shit?" Of course I soon figure it out and I set about the process of reading the project out loud. This as it happens, is the best editing tool I have. Sometimes I delete the whole damn thing and I swear never to drink again. Oddly enough, if you read what I write out loud- you will know that I speak exactly the same way- well except with a lot more profanity. Which brings me right back in some circumlocuous (that word is not in my spellchecker) fashion, to where this all began.

Please forgive my hillbilly writing style and my editor, the moran. I am a product of the U.S. government school system with the exception of the two years I spent in catholic school- getting my ass kicked by nuns. This one in particular. This woman tried to teach me sex education at age 12. That did not work out well for either one of us.  

Community mourns activist nun; Sister Francilla Kirby dies at 82
December 3, 2010


Solar Hero said...

You punkt a nun!

Brian said...

That woman was an imposter. She was the meanest, hit you with a stick ornery woman that I ever met. She used to get so pissed off her face would get red and her lip would quiver. When that for flying debris.

I never remember her smiling. That pic was photo shopped by the Catholic Church.

So yea. Ok. Guilty.