Search This Blog

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

I Hate Pekingese*Updated

So I've got this friend, I'll call him Billy- because that in fact is his name. Billy absolutely refuses to date late 40ish or 50 year old women. This would not be an oddity except that Billy is not 30.

He is 52.

Now Billy and I are talking and mind you- this is Billy's conclusion. Not mine. This is some wild stuff. Get ready. Billy alleges that there is nothing more cynical, hateful, and judgmental than single women in their late 40's and early 50's.

Billy has made one other observation and he has a theory about women in this age group.

Billy's claim is that women in this age group usually have been married a couple of times and are divorced. Many are angry and bitter empty nesters. They generally hate men- but they are smitten with the idea of eternal love which has been thrust upon them by romance novels and movies. Unfortunately Billy concludes, they cannot find that elusive love nor can they make a man submit to them. Their tools are aged and their bottled up animosity leaks through. Henceforth Billy maintains, frustrated and jaded women settle on small dogs. These they can control. And since yielding control is approximately the same as love for many of these women... small, yappy dogs fulfill the same emotional needs that one finds in a Danielle Steel piece.

This includes dog breeds such as Shih Tzu, Bichon Frise, and Pekingnese. Deplorable creatures, all of them.

Billy made the small dog-hateful woman connection years ago. I had marveled at the observation. Like Billy, I had seen it but I simply didn't understand the parts. Billy unlocked that mystery for me.

Sometimes Billy says, you will find single middle aged women without small dogs. This can be tricky. During the initial interview phase which some men refer to as the coffee date, Billy says you should pop the question. Do you like dogs? If they have one of those deplorable little yappy dogs, they will drone on for hours about them. If they have a large or useful dog, Billy says they might be ok.

If they don't have a dog, ask them what breed they might consider.

To be safe, Billy just avoids the whole demographic. He will not date anyone over 40. I am a veteran of that older demographic. I am beginning to understand Billy's logic completely.

I know a couple of men with small dogs. I asked Billy what he thought about that and no sooner than I had finished asking the question... than Billy immediately got this puzzled, somewhat baffled look on his face. He said he didn't know what that meant. Other than receiving a small dog in some property split, Billy could not think of any reason why a normal man might own a small, yappy dog. Billy added that it didn't matter much to him anyway because he is not in the habit of dating men.

So I thought of Billy when they announced the Westminster Dog Show winner. A Pekingese. You just know the owner is a middle aged woman and the judge or judges are populated with middle aged women. Probably divorced. In fact here is a picture of two older women with a stupid looking dog. Note the absence of a wedding ring on the handler's finger. http://news.yahoo.com/photos/westminster-kennel-club-dog-show-1328842437-slideshow/#crsl=%252Fphotos%252Fwestminster-kennel-club-dog-show-1328842437-slideshow%252Fhandler-cheri-koppenhaver-reacts-judge-patricia-laurans-left-photo-024716802--spt.html

Perhaps the government can fund a few studies or give some grant and research money to Billy and I so that we can attempt to prove or disprove the small dog-hateful woman theory. Until then, I think it is wise to follow Billy's advice. It is always better to be safe than sorry.

*Update. Apparently, there are other Pekingese haters. We are not alone. http://news.yahoo.com/malachy-pekinese-faces-backlash-best-show-win-140947602.html 

Odd that the press cannot spell the name right. See ^^above. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pekingese

6 comments:

Fredd said...

Billy is absolutely, 100% spot on correct with his yap dog/jaded crone observation.

At 52, however, successfully dating 30 something women or younger can be problematic. Unless Billy is a handsome devil, or is swimming in money (traits that the women within his target demographic find irresistable), his standards may doom him to many lonely years with his loyal companion, Bruno the Great Dane.

blurred said...

Awesome post. I love it.

Paco Bell said...

Billy might have connected some of the dots, but his conclusion is a generalization derived from observational and anecdotal evidence (which does not mean he is not correct!). Hey, we live by less thoroughly vetted rules everyday. I think the 'change' might have more to do with this. The clue is in the ord (men-o-pause).

I believe the old adage that a woman's age should be half the man's, plus seven.

For example, for a twelve year old lad, a twelve year old girl is perfect.

By that measurement, I'm seeking a 34 year old (-ish).

Suits me!

Unknown said...

my bf has a depkorable toy pekingese. when he said he had lost his place due to sale, i said I'd let him stay with me awhile but the dog wasn't allowed and I'd be evicted. he moves in with the dog anyway. it has no teeth, but tries to bite me, doesn't listen at all, runs out and aggressive intimidates the neighbors or anyone unlucky enough to be near, and it toilets in my house. i can't live this way. my bf is so good to me and we are best friends but i am at my limit, i can't get up and step in dog shit or piss another time. it doesn't even try to ask to go out, it just toilets inside. i have health issues and i have to try to step over barricades because it will not listen and stay out of places, and destroys my shit. it fakes siezures and other episodes where it yips and barks and runs in cirlces, for up to 30 hours. he spent a fortune for vets to tell him it's fine and faking it for attention. twice when i was sleeping he put it on my bed and it PISSED ON ME, which is the most disrespectful thing a dog can do. it has no teeth but bites me all the time, i want to kill the little bastard. it is a threat to my home as i can be thrown out and no matter how i scrub, this place smells like a kennell. i want it to fkn die but i can't hurt a living thing. so i told him, again, it has to go. and again, he chose the worthless pos dog. it's 9 years old, i can't bring myself to consider living with this thing until it dies at 12 or 15. so, he chose the mutt once too ofte n,and i can't live in a toilet with no company because the smell is embarrassing and it attacks company. so I'm giving them my apartment of 4 years and I'm leaving. hope he can teach the dog to pay for all the expenses, bills and rent and to sleep with him, because he didn't help me at all. i fcking hate pekingese, ugly little mouth breather

Unknown said...

ps, i wrote the above and I'm a 48 yr old woman. give me putbulls or rotties. i hate yappy little asshats. but i dont want any dog in an apartment and i dont even allow cats to shit inside in a box, i I housebreak them and they ask to go out to toilet, like dogs should. if i can train a cat he could have trained this pos pekingese

Brian said...

Holy shit. If you need a hit man, lemme know. The dog may be due for an accident. LOL