Saturday, December 20, 2014

Obama To Sell All Lines of Insurance!

Building on the broad success of Obamacare, Warren Buffett has convinced President Obama that instead of just force placing health insurance policies on everyone- the government should open a multi-line insurance company- and "sell" all lines of coverage.

One of the issues President Obama has yet to address- is how are millions of broke and newly minted Americans- going to arrive at their American jobs?

In Brownsville, Texas, Obama addressed a cheering audience telling them that he is sick of going to American cities and seeing Mexicans hunched over old, rear wheel drive beaters knowing full well that they are uninsured. "Just the other day, I saw a four tone Chevy dragging a muffler. We can't have this level of blight in America. This is not who we are."

Obama went on to say that most of those beaters don't have insurance because it's simply too expensive. "It's just not fair that there are people who are priced out." Obama's proposals would create a giant exchange where everyone who drives a car and makes at least 40k a year- would have to buy new Obama sanctioned policies. "Your coverage costs will remain the same Obama said with a grin- if you like your existing policies you can keep them- however all full coverage policies will now come with a standard 10,000 dollar deductible." "Drivers opting for expensive foreign models would pay a little extra" Obama added.

The excess money generated would then be used to give free liability insurance to anyone working at Walmart and anyone else who can't afford liability insurance.

When asked about drivers with habitual levels of traffic violations, Obama had this to say. "Most of the problems in this country have come about as a result of bored cops indiscriminately writing tickets to people. This is bullshit. Personally, I don't think a driver that smokes a little reefer or has a couple brews is that big of a risk. From now on, all drivers will no longer have to suffer from these levels of discrimination. No longer will people be denied coverage simply because they've had a few arrests or a couple traffic accidents. All people are entitled to auto insurance."

IRS agents would double as adjustors and Obama had plans to hire an additional 60,000 agents.

Spectators in Brownsville saw a beaming Warren Buffett ardently clapping as the President unveiled his new plan.

One of the spectators, a large boned black woman eating a gluten free croissant while wearing a scarf and sunglasses, asked about life insurance.

President Obama said that I am glad you asked that. Under my plan, no longer will people be discriminated against simply because they smoke a few cigs, or have unprotected sex with HIV infected partners, or are too old. Life insurance would be mandatory for all Americans- it's simply not fair that people die and leave their bills unpaid. This forces the rest of us to pick up the tab in increased costs. People without existing bills or who had heirs of dubious lineage might be exempt depending on what could be proven.

President Obama said multiple lines of property and casualty insurance would also become mandatory. In some instances, the President added, it may be simpler to just deposit your checks in escrow while the government removed what they wanted and returned the rest. Obama added that he felt confident that his new multi line insurance program was constitutional under the Commerce Clause and he didn't think there would be any legal problems. "There never is" he quipped.

Obama is wrapping up a 57 state tour as he stumps for his new insurance program. Tomorrow, Obama is scheduled to speak in Monterey, Ca near Pebble Beach.



Compleat Patriot said...

You’ll never put Humpty Dumpty back together again.

By Humpty Dumpty, I mean, ‘self government by an highly educated populace who cannot be tricked by devious elites’. It is a daydream, a fantasy that has never existed but in the collective imaginations of dumbed down citizens..

Mocking them is fun as hell.

There are writhing maggots in the enchilada..

Anonymous said...

Maybe because my constant state of rage meter has hit a whole new level, but IMO-this is not one of your better pieces at this time.

Brian said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Brian said...

You are probably right- I almost didn't publish it. If today's games had been any better I might not have written it at all.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Brian, The onion called. They want their article back-NOW !

Compleat Patriot said...

If only I'd been a banker, I could have fulfilled my American dreams.. I could make everyone sign my contracts they'd never be allowed to read. I'd have it all my way.. They'd never catch me. If only I'd been a banker.

Falcon said...

This article had me going for a moment. I am laughing now--but..............

PeterE said...

This actually makes a lot of sense. A lot of sense providing you think Obama Care makes sense. Fits perfectly. I'd write more but i have to go feed my unicorn.

Jim at Asylum Watch said...

... and maybe the Fed will announce their new Quantitative Easing program to buy oil to prop up Exxon and friends.