Life Isn't Fair, Thank God- The Sunday Collage

Have you ever stopped and thought about this whole "life ain't fair" meme that has been circulating like uneaten holiday fruitcake... for years and years?

First and foremost I must tell you this. Once upon a time I never believed in anything spiritual. If some object or thing in my life wasn't tangible, touchable, or provable, I immediately marginalized, dismissed, or eliminated that concept, object, or thing. The process I used to do this is called "contempt prior to investigation." Contempt prior to investigation is a product of human ego. With relative safety, I think it's safe to say that billions of people practice contempt prior to investigation.

I am also a guy who relied on evidence, human behavior, and my best judgment for most of my life. I believed in tangibility. I was a chicken shit atheist- which is another term for an agnostic. Had life been fair to me, I probably would have continued on that trajectory.

When you hear people say that life isn't fair, this is what they are really saying. "I want life to give me everything I want. I want and deserve more." Unfortunately, life only has a finite amount of resources and since six billion people all crave the same things- that isn't going to work out. If you do get something, that probably means somebody else eventually is going to have to go without- when that resource runs out. So what people are really saying is, "I want life to be more fair to me than to others." Ain't that a rich concept? We are actually seeing this in health care where only the rich have access. The life ain't fair crowd have another problem. They don't have the perspective of some macro view beyond their limited reality. Maybe "fair" would mean dying of starvation on the African continent. Or dying of disease or malaria in a Guatemalan village. Maybe "fair" means something else. Perhaps it means some average life somewhere. Unfortunately it seems that everyone wants a beach house- but they've run out of beach.

So the life ain't fair crowd ignores everything that they have or possess- while always clamoring for more and better. The beach house. 

Had life been fair to me, I'd probably be dead. The truth is, I probably don't deserve the things that I have. But more importantly, I just happened to be paying attention when this was pointed out to me in kind of a nasty, harsh way. Had I been practicing my usual contempt prior to investigation theme, I might have missed the greatest lesson in my life. Thankfully I wasn't. Of course life's not fair and you and I... are the beneficiaries.

Everyday, I work with people who are worried about their lives and their money. What a terrible problem to have. They had the opportunity or the good fortune to wind up with a heap of money and now they act like it is some woeful burden. They are worried about their money when so many have none. 

Just a couple of years ago, I was listening to a young gal tell me how upset she was that she had received a "B" in some class at college. It was one of those 5 minute stories about how she had been treated unfairly by her teacher. Later that night she went home and talked about how offended she was with her room-mates because they had offered her a beer knowing that she was trying to stay sober. She was very angry and upset about this- like it was their fault that she had an alcohol problem.

That is world class, maybe even gold medal, unconsciousness. I couldn't help myself. I pulled the trigger. I told her that maybe she should be thankful that she was born into a family that saw the advantage of a college education and encouraged her emotionally and financially to attend. That she should be grateful that she had money, a second roof over her head, and room mates who were simply trying to be decent to her or at the very least, tease her a little. Big deal. I explained that where I had just come from, the tent city under the Claiborne Bridge in New Orleans, anyone there would have been happy to have her "problems." Maybe happy just for some electricity.

Immediately and predictably, she became very angry. So angry that she jumped up, turned, and left the room. I have not seen her again. I think maybe I was a conduit that day. She was busy being a victim, wallowing in self pity with cadillac problems, trying to find someone to tell her what she wanted to hear. Instead, I told her what she needed to hear. Of course I felt bad but the reality was that somebody had to tell her this. Perhaps her solution going forward will be to be more cautious about who she whines to. If she gets really, really, lucky maybe she will realize that what I said to her that day was something she desperately needed to hear. I am going to set aside my contempt prior to investigation- and just hope she got that memo. 

The harshest, yet most useful lessons I have ever received in life, came from virtual strangers. Immediately, three of those lessons come to mind. If you stop and think about it, I'll bet we have that in common. If some stranger or fringe player has said something to you that has angered you or even embarrassed you, chances are good that there was some truth in it. For those of you who can set aside contempt prior to investigation- you can learn a lot about yourself by evaluating how others see you.
Sometimes people are simply nasty, you have to learn to dismiss that stuff. It really has nothing to do with you.

Today, I accept that life isn' fair and that the vast majority of us have benefitted from this. There is some sort of spiritual journey going on here- well beyond that of my old micro managed and tangible reality- I realize that now. Today when I see angry people saying nasty things, or people whining about how life is treating them unfairly in the midst of their 2000 sqf house or within the confines of their luxury sport utility vehicle with a sunroof, I mostly just keep my mouth shut. They're going to have to learn this the hard way, like I did. I'll be damned if I am going to help them. Besides, I am getting too old to keep pissing people off.