Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Tiger Woods Will Always Be My Hero

Man, I get sick of writing about government all the time.

Once in awhile, I have to deviate. I have two heroes in the golf world. John Daly floats to the top because he is such an insufferable alcoholic and true under dog. My other hero is Tiger Woods for completely different reasons.

Now I have a lot in common with these two dudes. I am male, I golf, and I was once occupying the space that Daly and Woods now occupy. But Tiger, he is what I call a golf robot. Literally raised to do nothing else but become a golf warrior. Oh yeah, I remember the footage from Johnny Carson of the then-three year old Woods swinging a driver.

I have followed Woods life closely. His amatuer championships, his departure from Stanford, his interviews and open mike profanity at a British Open, the Fuzzy Zoeller black jokes. His current marriage which was arranged, I believe, through fellow golfer Jesper Parnevik. Oh yea, and I saw those nude photos of Nordegren. I mean, I thought those photos were real. Really. Lucky bastard.

Tiger hit life's lottery. One of the luckiest men in the world. He should thank God every day of his life.

And Tiger is a class act. He is squared away. I mean that dude says all the right things at the right times, he is cool and collected, and he is determined. But for all of those things, alas, Tiger was born with one huge and inescapable flaw. Yes, he is human. And worse yet, male and human. Given that damnable male DNA that says we are feel good junkies. Which loosely translated means, if men aren't having sex, they are thinking about sex. And booze and fishing. But mostly sex. That's how it is for us.

And while Oprah eviscerates men like chickens at a poultry farm, and largely ignores the failings of women...we watch. Guilty. And when women cheat, well doncha know, the men deserved it?

So when an old jaded cop, a veteran of I can't tell you how many late night and early morning confrontations and domestic melees, sees Tiger trying to flee his home at o dark thirty, I knew. I knew Tiger got busted for having that damnable male DNA. And he will have to account for his failings. He will have to disclose how much money he has given this cocktail waitress and all of the other things he did to facilitate her life. He will try to implement damage control. He will try to sort out the mess he has now created. His life and marriage will never be the same.

Tiger, welcome my brother. You have joined the ranks. You are what I always knew you were, a man. Please forgive me for ever referring to you as the "golf robot." In my eyes, you will always be the man we all wished we could be. You will always be my hero.

And just remember one last thing. Things could be worse. Thank gawd we're not Daly.

1 comment:

Greta said...

There is an old saying. 'A stiff pecker has no