Three Bald Men and One Big Hole in the Ground- Part II
Sunday morning arrived and it promised to be a scorcher. Today was Grand Canyon day. We were looking for 110 degrees. I exited my room and looked down the railing at Jason and Troy's room. There was Troy, in his shorts, smoking a cigarette outside. I have a photo of that but because this is a family blog, I have chosen not to present it here because I don't want to offend the two females who still continue to read this blog. From prison.
I have a couple of things I need to disclose before continuing on. First of all, it was my job to plan this trip. By the third day, we had already traveled 700 miles in blistering heat. So I miscued. I thought our trip in and out of the Grand Canyon was going to be 100 miles each way. I was wrong. It was 200 miles each way. This was not lost on any of us by Sunday evening.
The other item I want to mention is Troy. I love Troy. He is the original nutter. To call Troy obnoxious is a tremendous understatement. They simply don't have a word that describes Troy yet. Troy has an insane ability to say anything at any given moment. Funny shit always happens when Troy is around because he will pop off with some crazy unfiltered brain synapse, usually directed toward strangers which he accomplishes at a tone that exceeds 100db. If you are a reserved or controlled type of human being with good hearing- Troy will make you crazy. You will need benzos to survive.
Getting ready for the big day.
We were already saddle sore when we arrived at Hurricane, Utah. When the cashier at the gas station told me it was another 135 more miles to the North Canyon rim- I passed this information along to my two stoic travel companions. That's Troy expressing his love for me as I snapped the photo.
On our way into the park we passed a giant string of cars all doing the speed limit. We tend to think of speed limits as suggestions. Passing all of those cars turned out to be one of the most fortunate aspects of the day's ride. The government charges a whopping 25 bucks a car to get into the Grand Canyon. At that price, you'd think that the government had dug out the fucking Grand Canyon as a tourist attraction and was still trying to recoup their investment. At any rate, they had one of those little ranger station thingys where they steal your money because God knows, we don't pay enough in taxes already. The ranger guy in charge of the stealing was a man in his 50's with one speed. Glacial. As I watched him dink around with the two cars ahead of us for five minutes, I thanked God we had passed all of those cars which were now patiently idling behind us. When it was our turn, he informed us it was only 12 bucks per motorcycle unless we had additional passengers. I told him that Troy had his midget girlfriend hidden in one of his saddlebags. He didn't think that was funny. Maybe he just ignored me. So after stealing another 36 bucks from us which we can't write off- we headed into the park. That's a picture of the lodge up there. ^^
Once we had arrived at the lodge, we found these little trails that wind all around the canyon rim. As we walked around, Troy was popping off with virtually every stranger that crossed his path. He spotted a 16 year old girl walking on top of the rocks that lined a path we were on. As she approached us, Troy yelled "Hey get off the rocks!" She immediately jumped off, took one look at Troy, and jumped back on top of the rocks. I told Troy that the only way he was going to achieve any level of credibility was to tell these people he was an undercover park ranger.
The Grand Canyon exceeded my expectations. Pictures just don't do it justice. It is huge, it is deep, it has beautiful colors, and it is gorgeous. The road in had an elevation sign that said we were at 8840 feet- which blew me away. I had no idea that we were that high- but the North Rim closes because of deep snow every year. So after a couple of hours of goofing off, we left. By the end of the day, we had traveled 1100 miles total. I actually had a heat rash on my ass with raised lumps.
That night Troy learned how to play Pai Gow poker. I think he liked it.
The next morning found Jason with a bad tire. We had to get a new one which set us a back a few hours in St. George, Ut. It was an all day ride for Troy and Jason from St. George through Salt Lake City and back to Idaho Falls. I peeled off in the direction of Wendover, Nv. I was so tired that I actually fell asleep on the grass in a rest area before reaching town. At Wendover, I was still 300 miles from home and my ass was seriously sore. I slept like a baby that night.
Every time I take one of these trips, I end up cursing it. I am beat up, tired, and sore. Today, I felt better. I took the RoadKing down to the car wash. I washed it, polished the chrome and the saddle bags. Sometimes, I just stare at that bike. Maybe next week, I'll forget about all this. It never takes long.
I have a couple of things I need to disclose before continuing on. First of all, it was my job to plan this trip. By the third day, we had already traveled 700 miles in blistering heat. So I miscued. I thought our trip in and out of the Grand Canyon was going to be 100 miles each way. I was wrong. It was 200 miles each way. This was not lost on any of us by Sunday evening.
The other item I want to mention is Troy. I love Troy. He is the original nutter. To call Troy obnoxious is a tremendous understatement. They simply don't have a word that describes Troy yet. Troy has an insane ability to say anything at any given moment. Funny shit always happens when Troy is around because he will pop off with some crazy unfiltered brain synapse, usually directed toward strangers which he accomplishes at a tone that exceeds 100db. If you are a reserved or controlled type of human being with good hearing- Troy will make you crazy. You will need benzos to survive.
Getting ready for the big day.
We were already saddle sore when we arrived at Hurricane, Utah. When the cashier at the gas station told me it was another 135 more miles to the North Canyon rim- I passed this information along to my two stoic travel companions. That's Troy expressing his love for me as I snapped the photo.
On our way into the park we passed a giant string of cars all doing the speed limit. We tend to think of speed limits as suggestions. Passing all of those cars turned out to be one of the most fortunate aspects of the day's ride. The government charges a whopping 25 bucks a car to get into the Grand Canyon. At that price, you'd think that the government had dug out the fucking Grand Canyon as a tourist attraction and was still trying to recoup their investment. At any rate, they had one of those little ranger station thingys where they steal your money because God knows, we don't pay enough in taxes already. The ranger guy in charge of the stealing was a man in his 50's with one speed. Glacial. As I watched him dink around with the two cars ahead of us for five minutes, I thanked God we had passed all of those cars which were now patiently idling behind us. When it was our turn, he informed us it was only 12 bucks per motorcycle unless we had additional passengers. I told him that Troy had his midget girlfriend hidden in one of his saddlebags. He didn't think that was funny. Maybe he just ignored me. So after stealing another 36 bucks from us which we can't write off- we headed into the park. That's a picture of the lodge up there. ^^
That night Troy learned how to play Pai Gow poker. I think he liked it.
The next morning found Jason with a bad tire. We had to get a new one which set us a back a few hours in St. George, Ut. It was an all day ride for Troy and Jason from St. George through Salt Lake City and back to Idaho Falls. I peeled off in the direction of Wendover, Nv. I was so tired that I actually fell asleep on the grass in a rest area before reaching town. At Wendover, I was still 300 miles from home and my ass was seriously sore. I slept like a baby that night.
Every time I take one of these trips, I end up cursing it. I am beat up, tired, and sore. Today, I felt better. I took the RoadKing down to the car wash. I washed it, polished the chrome and the saddle bags. Sometimes, I just stare at that bike. Maybe next week, I'll forget about all this. It never takes long.
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