Tuesday, September 6, 2011

R.I.P. Postal Service, We Hardly Knew Ye

I used to work with a guy. A guy named Dave. Dave was a big believer in diplomacy. Caution always got the better of Dave, well usually, with one notable exception.

Dave hated the United States Postal Service. He gave those bastards no quarter.

In the small town we lived in- the post office refused to deliver the mail. Instead they made thousands of us burn the gas to get to the post office. Upon arrival, one was greeted by a sinister post office parking lot designed on bar room napkins by valley auto body shop owners. In fact, there is a rumor, that those same frame straighteners submitted their napkin drawings along with an envelope of cash to the architect in charge of planning the new post office. It is common knowledge that those same auto body men encouraged the beginnings of the farmer's market on Main Street- but I digress.

So it was that not only did those USPS bastards refuse to deliver- but they made us pay them rent for boxes. A double insult. Then we were forced to navigate the daily parking lot demolition derby that claimed 50 wrecks during the very first month of operation.

That Dave hated those postal barbarians is the sort of thing that legends are made of. In fact, I believe, he actually wrote a letter to the editor about the USPS in the local newspaper. It was edited for profanity which cut the letter's over all length by about two thirds. However, a fragment of the letter remained and it was printed. The women at the post office read that letter. They may have cut it out and taped it on the wall in the break room.

One day soon after that letter was published, I walked into the post office with Dave. "So you're the guy that wrote that letter" they leered as Dave and I walked in the front door.. Ever the defiant one, Dave seemed almost proud to take responsibility for the deed. Secretly, I admired Dave. Publicly, I always used the entrance to the rear of the building after that.

There are people who believe in coincidence and I must admit, I do not number among them. I have been reading that the USPS is bankrupt and can't pay their bills. Six hundred thousand unionized employees are about to feel some pain. http://www.fitsnews.com/2011/09/06/going-postal/ The USPS is withering in intensive care. Somehow, I don't think this is all coincidence.

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