Friday, September 9, 2011

Frankenstein Governnment Now "Launching" New Career

I've been kind of bored lately. Ideally, what I've been looking for is a job that pays giant gobs of money with very little effort, flexible hours. That sort of thing.

Like my friend Billy Moonbat says, "The most amount of money with the least amount of work." That's what everybody is after. Using those parameters, I think most people immediately think of lawyers or government workers. I've ruled both of those things out. Going to school and getting a law degree is far more work than actually practicing as an attorney. Billing people ridiculous amounts of money for talking to them. The government "work" idea is sound except that my retirement checks would stop. A Federal job might work. Standing around at courthouse checkpoints, with plastic name tags, that pays good here in Boise. Only in America can you make 60-70k a year to stand around bullshitting and tell people to take their belts off. Wave those thingys around.

The problem is the job itself. A job like that screams, "I have given up." I am no more useful than this useless job. I am willing to do anything. I have no more utility other than to stand here with one foot in the grave, waving this metal detector around as though somebody is going to show up at the courthouse with a bomb. You might as well wear a stained Marlboro tee-shirt, sweatpants, and slip on loafers. Announce to the world that you have formally given up.

So I've been focused on the private sector. But there are serious drawbacks. Not only do private employers expect you to show up every day on time- but they actually expect some level of productivity from you. You can't just leave on a road trip or not come to work. You have to ask for permission, time off. That sort of thing. All those years of government "work" have spoiled me. 

Until I read an article today. Apparently, NASA has a shortage of astronauts.

How hard could being an astronaut be? Wearing shiny suits, floating around, pushing buttons, drinking Tang. How much do astronauts make? Maybe they have astronaut unions...

Ya know, I think I will look into this. Maybe it's part of Obama's stimulus plan. It's gotta be better than standing around the courthouse talking about the good old days and scanning some granny's purse...geezus...I'm just not ready to give up yet.

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