Friday, January 28, 2011

Thank Gawd the Moonbats Still Swear

I grew up in a mining town. I didn't know that people were actually capable of talking without using profanity. To this day when I hear someone consistently talk without using profanity, I don't trust them.

There is nothing I enjoy more than getting a lecture about using profanity. I have great disdain for those folks who try to influence and control everything in the exterior world. The vigilante verbal censors. You know those types. The ones who have swallowed the kool-aid and know right from wrong. At all times. They are not afraid to share that opinion of how the world should operate.

I actually had a gal tell me one time that she thinks people who use profanity are stupid. I told her that I thought people who didn't swear and told others not to were controlling nags. We don't talk much.

I eat out a lot on account of my bachelor status and I hate washing dishes. Earlier this week, I had a friend order an omelette at a place that usually serves good food. When this thing came out, it was paper thin, burnt, and had one piece of a mushroom in it. My friend unleashed a profane littered barrage that had tears streaming down my face. It started with, "what the fuck is this?" "I wouldn't feed this to a starving Ethiopian on the subcontinent." It looks like a piece of legal pad without the goddamned lines." If the cook just wants to kill me tell him to get the fuck out here so we can end this like men with some dignity." I was trying so hard not to laugh as I stared at the sorriest assed omelette that I have ever layed eyes on. When the poor waitress asked if he wanted her to take it back he yelled, " so this fucking guy can take another whack at poisoning me? What are ya nuts?"

My friend is from Philly. He assures me that this is standard operating procedure on the right coast. He is a moonbat sort of labor union guy. I steer clear of any Eagles' or political talk with him for obvious reasons.

Some of the funniest shit I have ever heard involved the perfect application of well timed and imaginative cursing. Some of the best are absolute professionals and I marvel at them. Like Mozart or Rembrandt. I even invite them out to breakfast...because you just never know when they are going to put that artwork on display. Thankfully some of the best, those left leaners like Rahm, haven't tried to pass any laws to control the use of profanity. Yet.

4 comments:

John said...

I personally prefer people that do not swear.

Dave said...

John. That was a well thought out comment. How profound and cultured. Now shut the $&@k up.

Brian said...

Ha!

I've been watching this shit in Cairo all nite. Food riots. The most interesting part is that none of our media outlets are attributing the rise in inflated food prices to the Bernank who has exported inflation. All media outlets are reporting other causes, famines, floods, foul weather. Not one is blaming the KING of PRINT. Fascinating.

Dan said...

Ban profanity? Fuck that.