Wow, this sucks.
On December 15th, I went on the Atkins diet from hell. Because I am a man I can say this. I am 51.
I endured Christmas and New Years. Not one fucking sugary Santa Claus cookie. No booze or egg nog. Not one slice of bread. Meat and broccoli. Celery. Ya know, all that tasty stuff. Then after watching my family eat like pigs, I came back home. I do an absolute minimum of 3.2 miles a day on treadmills and ellipticals.
As I write this I cannot walk. The pain is almost unbearable. My ankles are both sprained, the ligament in my left knee is knotted, and I think I have a hernia. I am almost completely crippled. I have these Canadian acetaminophen tabs with caffeine and codeine in them. They are wonderful. I am almost out of them. In America, I cannot have them or frosting on my cupcakes because my government knows what is best for me.
To be honest, I have lost 22 pounds in 25 days. It has not been worth it. I am beginning to wonder why I am doing this. It's not like I am getting laid or anything. Here is my advice to everyone. Do not get old or fat. Growing old is not for pussies.
I really miss those Marlboros in the black box. When I finally lose this 50 lbs, sometime in the spring of '16, I might just go get some.
On one of those old, crippled, fat people- scooter thingys.