Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Norveejan Logistics

> President Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang. 
> "Hello, President Obama," a heavily accented Norwegian voice said. "'Dis here  is Sven, over here in Dulut, Minnesota . 
> Ve don't like some a yer policies so I am callin' to tell ya that we are 
> officially declaring war on ya!" 
> "Well, Sven," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your 
> army?" 
> "Right now," said Sven, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my 
> cousin Knute, my next-door-neighbor Ole, and the whole pool team from the 
> Rod." 
> Barack paused, "I must tell you, Sven, that I have one million men in my army 
> waiting to move on my command." 
> "Wow," said Sven, "I'll haf ta call ya back!" 
> Sure enough, the next day, Sven called again. "Mr. Obama, da war is still on! 
> We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!" 
> "And what equipment would that be, Sven?" Barack asked. 
> "Vell sir, ve got two combines, a bulldozer, and Sigurd's farm tractor." 
> President Obama sighed. "I must tell you, Sven, that I have 16,000 tanks and 
> 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a 
> half million since we last spoke." 
> "All right den," said Sven. "I'll be getting back to ya." 
> Sure enough, Sven rang again the next day... "President Obama, da war is still 
> on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! 
> We up an' modified Ole's ultra-light vit a couple'a shotguns in da cockpit, 
> and four boys from the coffee shop haf joined us as vell!" 
> Barack was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. 
> "I must tell you, Sven, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes .. 

> My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile 
> sites. 
> And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!" 
> "Two million you say?," said Sven, "l'll haf' to call you back." 
> Sure enough, Sven called again the next day. "President Obama! I am sorry to 
> have to tell you that we have had to call off this here war." 
> "I'm sorry to hear that," said Barack. 
> "Why the sudden change of heart?" 
> Vell, sir," said Sven, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over 
> a few beers, and come to realize that there's yust no vay ve can feed two 
> million prisoners."


davecydell said...

The Queen's Riddle:

Barack Obama met with the Queen of England.

He asked her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me?"
"Well," said the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."
Obama frowned, and then asked, "But how do I know the people around are really intelligent?"
The Queen took a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle."
The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. "Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?"
Tony Blair walked into the room and said, "Yes, Your Majesty?"
The Queen smiled and said, "Tony, please answer this. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"
 Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answered, "That would be me."
"Yes! Very good," said the Queen.

Obama went back home and asked Joe Biden, his vice president, the same question. "Joe, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"
"I'm not sure," said Biden. "Let me get back to you on that one"
He went to his advisers and asked every one, but none could give him an answer.
Finally, he ran into Sarah Palin out eating one night. Biden asked, "Sarah, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Sarah Palin answered right back, "That's easy, it's me!"
Biden smiled, and said, "Thanks!" Then, he went back to speak with Obama.
"Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Sarah Palin!"
Obama got up, stomped over to Biden, and angrily yelled into his face,
"No! You idiot! It's Tony Blair!"

Anonymous said...

Great puch line.