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Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Frankenstein Government Capitulates, Goes Full Blown Mormon

Ohh...the absolute inhumanity.

Let me explain a little something here. I have quit drinking and smoking. I have all but quit gambling although I do go to the track once in awhile. I am virtually celibate. I am in between wives. I have quit eating carbohydrates. Sometimes, I even listen to Christian radio. Yea. I'm not kidding.

The last sacred cow I have left is profanity. The spice rack of speech. I cling to cursing like a drowning man to a life raft. It was the one last thing I could do. My last act of rebellion against the masses. That hoi polloi who legislate and tell you how you should live every facet of your life and then desperately seek laws to force you into compliance. Like not using profanity. Freedom is a ridiculous concept to the hoi polloi. Surely, dropping the "F" bomb must be the eleventh commandment they think. Free speech? The hoi polloi believe in free speech just as long as they get to edit it first.

I am trying to imagine a life where I say "gosh or fudge, maybe shucks." Things like that. I am not sure I can do it. I don't even like people who say those things.

In fact, I don't like people who don't swear. Cursing is the absolute only thing I like about Obama. Really.

I know a couple of people who don't swear. Crusaders. I don't like them much. Point men for the hoi polloi.

There is a kid, now in college at Ricks College in Idaho. A mormon of course. Mormon founders believed it was ok to have several wives but cussing was verboten. Anyway this kid, first name McKay, started the "No Cussing Club." This apparently is the mark he has left on the world. Click here to view this dude who knows how you should behave :

So I am going to try and not use the F bomb anymore. At least when I am writing. No way can I "cold turkey" my whole speech thing. So I am going to slowly wade in. Try to be, oh this stings, "compliant." Jeebus. I might say "Jeebus" once in awhile. For now, I will try the mormon thing.

But I reserve the right to change my mind. I like the spice rack of speech. That's who I am as a person. That's what Dear Leader would say.


Irish said...

Oh poopy, stinky flower, loud this blog won't be any fun any more..:(

By the way.. good fucking luck!

Anonymous said...

Interesting experiment. I haven't minded your occational use of the F-bomb in your writing - as I don't mind it sparingly in personal conversation with my buddies. My use of it depends upon the people I'm talking to and where I'm doing the talking - which I attribute to consideration for the comfort (subjectively) of the audience with the use of the word. If someone I'm listening to or reading peppers most every sentence with it, it becomes noise to me and distracts from what the person is saying. I write this as a perspective, not a criticism. I'll look forward to reading about how it goes for you. I really enjoy your blog - a friend in Bend.

Brian said...

Thank you anon. Your remarks echo my sentiments exactly. Thanks for stopping by. I love Bend.

Fredd said...

My advice, Brian, is to start smoking and drinking again.

Your insanity based on abstinence is striking. Trust me, you'll feel better.

Anonymous said...

Fuck that.

Dave said...

I always enjoyed your colorful language. Educated folks used to tell me that swearing was a sign of low intelligence. But I ignored them, cuz I knew I was smarter than those fuckers. I especially used to laugh my ass off when little old ladies used to come to the office to report some minor theft or missing purse, and theres the chief, standing at the counter with them, letting f-bombs fly left and right. Good stuff

Brian said...

We're at the bottom of the comments and kind of hidden here. Let me tell you a funny story.

The other night mom and I are out at dinner. She tells me that I began swearing almost as soon as I could begin to talk. Where did that come from? She doesn't have any clue.. other than me listening to my father, she supposes.

I've been reading a lot lately about people with memories of past lives. I am starting to believe that child prodigies, or kids who swear without visible teachers or engage in other non child like behavior are simply acting on old memory. It's a fantastic premise but one I find very interesting.

I have heard every excuse imaginable by the non swearing nazis as they try to convince us swearing is bad.

I have to admit I work with some folks who over do it even by my loose standards- and it is giving me pause.

republicanmother said...

Oh how I resist the temptation to cuss on my blog. But since I've got Jesus on there it keeps my publicly educated depravity from bubbling forth. Sometimes it would be great to just scream WTF!!! But I always try to stay ladylike, in case Grandma is reading...

Single White Alcoholic Seeks Same said...

Fuck that!

Unfortunately, I have had the misfortune of living in Utah for the past 5 years. And not the almost-normal city of Salt Lake, but a small town that is about 85% Mormon.

So I have been subjected to all the Mormon euphemisms for swearing:

"Oh my heck."

"Kick some trash."

"Shut the front door."

It is truly maddening. Like you, I respect a politician who will spew a little profanity. I loved it when Bush was caught on mic calling some reporter a "major league asshole." We need more of that in politics!