Sunday, August 10, 2014

"The shame based fear of being ordinary." - The Sunday Collage

This is actually the third piece I have written this week. I'd didn't like the other two.

Each week I consume a couple hundred articles, about 75 blogs, and I usually have a book or two on the side. Mostly what I read online is the same regurgitated crap.   

What I truly yearn for is something original. I am so tired of reading the same old schtick, week in- week out. And I figure if I'm tired of the same old schtick- maybe you are too.

This week I began reading a book called "Daring Greatly." I wasn't even 25 pages in and I realized this author had something original to say. Among all of the interesting speculation she offered regarding the growing narcissism in this country, the author mentioned "the shame based fear of being ordinary."

That phrase stopped me dead in my tracks. Like a time machine it took me back to 2008.

Imagine for a moment that you are living in a culture which measures your usefulness as a human being based primarily on how much wealth you can accumulate. That's how we measure your worth. Oh sure, credentials and a little power and prestige certainly help. But the way we measure self worth in America is done with money. That's how we keep score.

Your parents, your relatives and friends, and your adversaries will all measure and judge you the same way. You'll return the favor because you've been taught the same rules.

So what happens to those millions upon millions of people who never measure up to the expectations of their family, friends, and culture or worse yet- fail to live up to their very own expectations? 

Do those  people who see themselves as failures- do they ever get right? Do they ever get happy?

Yes, I think it's possible given the right set of circumstances.

In 2008 I met a man with two degrees, one a masters degree in engineering. He was a tree trimmer in New Orleans. The night I met him he said he had a promising future behind him. He was no longer bound by the shame of being ordinary. In fact, he loved being ordinary. But in order to celebrate and love being ordinary, he had to set aside all of the faulty beliefs that had been instilled in him- seemingly from birth. That is a whole lot of cultural programming and guilt to shit can. Not a small job.

Then you must set about the task of doing whatever makes you happy and ignoring what others might think of that. Indeed, what others think of you is none of your business anyway.

Years ago when I became a cop, I had all the right reasons. I wanted to help people. I discovered some interesting stuff. Nobody seemed to care. When you worked your ass off, or nearly got killed- nobody cared. Years later when I became the Chief, I saved every dime I could- often returning at least 6 figures back to the city every fiscal year. Nobody cares. In fact, other chiefs and department heads spent every last penny, every year. We all got treated the same. Burn through what they give you- they'll give you more tax money next year.

So doing the right thing within a completely apathetic society is probably over rated. I am going to tell you right now that I know some of those old department heads and they are retired now. They do not sit around and feel guilty for having spent every penny they were authorized to spend.

The point being is that you are the only one responsible for your happiness. You can only do those things which make you happy. You are an idiot to think that anyone else is responsible for your happiness or that others must rely on your for their happiness. That is simply foolish.

Having learned all of those things in the school of hard knocks- meant I no longer had to commit to a body of work wherein nobody really cares how you perform as long as it is simply adequate. Having recognized that harsh reality- I was able to focus on my own happiness rather than trying (and failing) to make others happy. That is the lesson of 25 years of intimate law enforcement.

Today, being ordinary feels pretty damn good. I don't secretly covet others and their possessions. I don't keep score that way. I am not interested in a bigger, nicer car. I like my little bungalow and my Harley. I enjoy my ordinary every day life, my afternoon naps, and the ability to do whatever pleases me without someone demanding that I do more and instilling a little guilt in me.

You know what's different today? Instead of forever wanting, I am grateful for what I have. I simply don't use the old cultural scoring system anymore. It never liked it anyway.

I'm anxious to get back to this book.The next section is about fear and scarcity and how we convince ourselves into thinking we never have enough. Does that sound familiar? "Daring Greatly" by Brene Brown, ISBN 978-1-592-40733-0. 



9 comments:

IRISH said...

Thanks.. Ill check it out as well

Stay safe

Irish

Anonymous said...

Ultimately, we are alone, trapped within our own realities. Seven billion people, seven billion universes, each unique unto itself. No matter where we go, there we are. People, places and situations which make up this thing called life, as we make the journey from womb to tomb, will change. We are the only constant in our lives. We're the ones who must ultimately live with ourselves. I don't know what the hell I'm trying to say.

Compleat Patriot said...

Paul in 1 Corinthians 10:19, Romans 14th chapter taught that we were to not judge others....as we all live by our own conscience.

We came here alone with nothing. We leave here alone with nothing. Maybe we keep our various levels of stored knowledge showing us good versus evil? Maybe everyone knows the full story of this lesson from beginning to end from the other side? Very few get it here, many never will. The state claims we all own nothing. That is why the state through various legal means can take anything from anyone anytime it deems that necessary and proper. Of course from the Biblical standpoint all of this is lawlessness.

"The ultimate ownership of all property{public and private} is in the state; individual so-called "ownership" is only by virtue of Government, i.e., law, amounting to mere user; {Designated Multiple use - fee simple tenant-NO Allodium Title} and use must be in accordance with and subordinate to the necessities of the State." ---Senate Document#43;Senate RESOLUTION NO. 62 {Pg 9, Para 2} April 17, 1933.

With the advent of the War Powers the Congress and the President now control all states and actually throws out all previous court arguments because “Public Policy” (Government AKA Congress’s Policy) over rules all law except what they drafted after the Reconstruction Acts. The enemy, that is the common man, has no rights, State or otherwise under emergency power control. And, even if we were to revert back to peace time and be under no emergency rule, the Constitution would still not protect you nor the Bill of Rights against State control. Now that blows the 2nd Amendment right out of the water because it only applies to the People of the United States and NOT to the people of the States. Go and Pull the entire John Barron case to see where they addressed every item in the Bill of Rights and how they do not pertain to the people in the states, with the exception of one. BARRON v. BALTIMORE 7 Peters 243; 8 L. Ed. 672 (1833)

I don't give a damn how much material garbage a man might be in control of, the government owns it, the man only has use of it. No allodial title to land the man has nothing.

If this is all Created and we are all created the thought of owning any of this is the ultimate in arrogance. The reason we are in this mess is because Man turned his back on love and charity which is the biblical form of a true Republic. A free man does not exist as a free man under a monarch, democracy, dictatorship or socialist nor a man made republic which is only a corporate common wealth government, but only under a Republican form of government representative of Biblical Law of love and charity and would not and could not have his property taken based off frivolous coercive taxation.

So let the fool think he owns real property, let him believe it makes him a man..

All of the pay your fair share for the greater good or else baloney is lawlessness. And the farther this type of thinking goes the worse it becomes. You just love Health Care don't you? Ok, well my pet peeve is coercive anything taxation and no allodial title of the lands I own whereupon I keep paying rent on those lands or the state takes those lands.. That is not freedom.. Now if you had real property rights in this country based off the Biblical law guess what? You'd have real man rights and your health care would be your business not the states.

A true Republic, free market battering, love and charity, volunteerism because one might deem a cause worthy of being charitable. In this type of economy based off the Biblical Law righteous men find true liberty and wealth. And thus they share with those in need.

I will go so far as to say how can we even own this life when it is a life of borrowed time?

Its always been right there in the Bible Brian. The real truth that nobody wants to hear.

Brian said...

Lol. I am constantly talking with people who fail to meet expectations- whether their relatives or their own. It's kind of an emotional prison. Every once in awhile we get lucky and have a jailbreak.

Brian said...

My only problem with the Bible Greg- is that men wrote it. Hardly the most unbiased or credible things on the planet.

Compleat Patriot said...

Yes I thought this for many years myself, before I knew better; You want freedom but you defend bondage.. You want to get me thinking? And you do, now Its your turn to think.

2 Peter 2:19 “While they promise them liberty, they themselves are the servants of corruption: for of whom a man is overcome, of the same is he brought in bondage.”

Cujus est commodum ejus debet esse incommodum.
“He who receives the benefit should also bear the disadvantage.”

The Bible is about Government, Law, and the unlawfulness of men who would be our governors. This pecking order is in important because it exposes their institutions which work to deceive us.

“Let every soul be subject unto the higher liberty. For there is no liberty but of God: the liberties that be are ordained of God. Whosoever therefore resisteth (opposes) the liberty, resisteth (opposes) the ordinance of God: and they that resist (sets one's self against) shall receive to themselves damnation. For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to the evil. Wilt thou then not be afraid of the liberty? Do that which is good, and thou shalt have praise of the same.” Romans 13:1-3

If you give men the power to choose for you they will be corrupted by that power and society will be weakened and debased. God wants us to be free souls under His authority, not human resources and merchandise for the Pharaohs and Nimrods of the world.

Why are we in bondage in a free country? In fact I'll ask you a tougher question, we're both about the same age, why were we born into bondage if this is a free country as men taught us in a controlled curriculum that we are free?

Did they lie to us? Did we live that lie? Yes and yes.

Jim at Asylum Watch said...

Some of the "happiest" people I've seen in my travels around the Western hemisphere would be described by our MSM as people living in abject poverty in some Banana Republic. Yet, theswe people, who know they are poor, do not dwell on what they don't have. Instead they are able to find plenty reasons to laugh, sing, make music and enjoy the company of friends and family.

Compleat Patriot said...

Interesting, a man with everything suicides himself. A man with nothing who cannot provide for himself or others suicides himself. Both are without hope.

Compleat Patriot said...

Greed and Vanity;

Jesus tells us in Luke 12 that the materialist is a fool. A fool! In this parable we see a man who lives completely in a materialistic worldview. He fills up all his barns with everything he has. When he eventually accumulates so much that it won’t fit anymore, he just builds a bigger barn. And when he dies he finds out that he has spent so much time focusing on the physical that he totally ignored the spiritual.

Luke 12:13-21
13 Someone in the crowd said to him, “Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me.”
14 Jesus replied, “Man, who appointed me a judge or an arbiter between you?” 15 Then he said to them, “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; life does not consist in an abundance of possessions.”
16 And he told them this parable: “The ground of a certain rich man yielded an abundant harvest.17 He thought to himself, ‘What shall I do? I have no place to store my crops.’
18 “Then he said, ‘This is what I’ll do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store my surplus grain. 19 And I’ll say to myself, “You have plenty of grain laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry.”’
20 “But God said to him, ‘You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?’

21 “This is how it will be with whoever stores up things for themselves but is not rich toward God.”

Ecclesiastes 1:14
I have seen all the works which have been done under the sun, and behold, all is vanity and striving after wind

Ecclesiastes 5:10
He who loves money will not be satisfied with money, nor he who loves abundance with its income. This too is vanity.

Acts 14:15
"Men, why are you doing these things? We are also men of the same nature as you, and preach the gospel to you that you should turn from these vain things to a living God, WHO MADE THE HEAVEN AND THE EARTH AND THE SEA AND ALL THAT IS IN THEM.