Sunday, June 1, 2014

Forty One Days of Hell

I can only get so fat and then well, I get pissed off.

The worst thing about getting old is that with a complete loss of testosterone and human growth hormone- a man's body only requires about 6 calories per day. Everything else is stored as fat.
So when you eat like a pig like I do- sometimes consuming an entire bowl of oatmeal with a few blueberries sprinkled on top- you can expect to participate in at least one "Iron Man" competition or marathon that month to cancel out the effects of that one bowl of oatmeal.

There is always some nutrition nazi willing to point out the flaws in anything I consume. I usually find them at the gym. They are usually in their 20's and they believe that they have been blessed with a body that will never age, knees that will perform flawlessly forever, and a brain that tells them they are special. I wish I could see them 30 years later humping a treadmill. 

I am in absolute awe. When I was a young man- I could eat an entire semi trailer full of twinkies without gaining a single ounce. Now that I am roughly the age of Methuzaleh, all I can safely eat is celery washed down with purified water.

Growing old sucks. I've never found the alternative visually appealing either.

So when I stepped on the scales May 1, I weighed 282 pounds. That's when I got pissed.

Sometime in the 90's I was introduced to a miracle called the Atkin's diet. I call it the meat and cheese diet. You can eat eggs, meat, cheese and some meat, cheese, and eggs. Maybe a black olive here or there. And baby- it works.

I do it every 18 months or so, generally when my belt buckle starts carving a big notch in my flesh.

I love it when people say, "isn't that diet unhealthy?" I say to them- matter of factly now- "yes it probably is, however carrying around an extra 40 pounds of blubber isn't exactly healthy either."

I am not one of those guys who can diet for 18 months hoping to lose 15 pounds. I don't have that kind of glacial patience. When I diet, I bring the fucking pain. Now. 

Farm animals die. Roosters hump. And only now and then- do I allow myself a pineapple slice on a pile of cottage cheese washed down with that horrible tasting almond milk. I throw in two miles of running every day. And when the smoke clears...

I expect to lose 31 pounds in 31 days. So when I stepped on the scale this morning at 254- I was three pounds short of my goal for May. This of course has now triggered an additional 10 days of hell wherein I will finally stop when I arrive at 242 pounds with absolutely no hint or trace of a man boob having ever existed on my manscape. I will probably add another mile of running every day.

Then ever so slowly, through summer, fall, and the holiday season and all of 2105- a combination of apple pancakes, cinnamon rolls, bridge mix, pizza, pasties, pork chop sammichs, hash browns, french fries, and ice cream- will all begin to work their evil charms and restore me back to the full sized man that I used to be. Some 18.5 months from now, this whole nasty cycle will repeat itself.

Fat and angry is no way to live your life. I have to figure out some reasonable way to eat within my means. The thought of another 41 days of this shit seems a little unbearable to me right now.

Brian




19 comments:

Compleat Patriot said...

For some reason at 55 I'm still around 185. My latest horse would kill me if I blew myself up to 245. The sex appeal is gone because I stopped running from the females. I don't get asked out anymore. No more invitations for sex either. Ask a female for a date now and they just laugh at the dirty minded old geezer. I'm going blind. LOL. I'm wearing knee braces. Oh well, I'm just an old gardener now. Maybe a couple of back country runs sitting in the hurricane deck strapped aboard an un lucky horse with buddy the mule tagging along are in order shortly.

Anonymous said...

I don't want to sound like one of those twenty some things at your gym but, here is something that will help. I'm 56 soon to be 57. At 48 I started a diet (always worked out) that eliminated sugar and white carbohydrates. I eat beef, chicken, fresh vegetables a little brown rice and prior to a workout a complex carbohydrate, think small portion of oatmeal. One day a week(Sunday) I allow myself anything I want, pancakes or tacos from my favorite "joint". I also cut out the dairy with the exception of a little half n half in my morning coffee. The bottom line the working out and carnivore type diet along with doing heavy squats and bench have helped me maintain muscle and a 9% body fat. at 6'1 215lbs. The high protein, no sugar, no white carbohydrate formula works and allows your body to naturally produce testosterone and HGH . Again not trying to toot my own horn just stating facts. I spent some bucks learning this from some Doc's and it has made a remarkable difference in my life. Most of these topics are now available free on the internet. Just thought you might want and try to find a way not to just take off the weight but, keep it off. Best to you always- fit @ 56

Brian said...

Thank you for posting this. I am gonna look into it. And if I had one day to eat anything I want...well maybe that would besomething to look forward to.

Brian said...

I was reading an article the other night that said when men and women hit 50- they become sexually invisible. I have a friend that believes this and I gotta say...it's hard to deny.

Falcon said...

Not this kid. I am 60 and enjoy eating to much of the health foods---eggs, waffles, ice cream in a waffle cone, sauage, and especially good lasagna. Though I guess that is why I have a Rhodesian Ridgeback and an Australian Cattle dog for runs in the morning. Saying that I will probably end up in the hospital waiting for a stint to be placed in the ole ticker.

Compleat Patriot said...

I keep asking the same gal for a date, maybe thats the problem. She's as beautiful today as she was 15 years ago the first time I asked her out. ya know I think I'll have "Sexually Invisible" printed on the front of a couple of T-shirts. That ought-a get her goat. I better get back in the garden before she kicks my butt.

Marcus said...

Man, I'm in the same boat. When I was a kid, I could polish off 4 Big Macs, a small mountain of fries and half a gallon of Coca Cola with absolutely no effect, and then I'd head over to the nearest Pizza Hut or Taco Bell for dessert. Now, just to look at one french fry is enough to pack on a couple of pounds and I'm 51 (holy shit, where did the years go?). So, about one year ago, after being disgusted with the flabby old bastard looking back at me in the mirror, I decided to do something about it. I started eating portions only ½ the size, my thinking being that there is a delay between the belly and the brain in which the message "I'm full" is finally received (it's true, it takes about 10 minutes for the message to be received, which why I suppose the old adage about eating slowly makes sense). I also started eating a lot more hard boiled eggs, oatmeal and green tea (made of tea leaves, mind you, not the stalks and stems) while cutting out a lot of sugary shit from my diet. Man, I drink so much green tea these days that my piss ain't yellow no more. And I started working out, two or three times per week with weights, 45 minutes per workout. Long story short, I've dropped 25 lbs and gone from a 38 waist size to a 34. What especially motivates me is looking at my co-workers or guys ½ my age and seeing how they let themselves go, and then I say to myself "that is disgusting, I ain't going there and will fight it as long and as hard as I can."

Thanks for the tips, guys, especially anonymous above. That's useful information to know and I will incorporate it into my routine.

As far as being sexually invisible after 50, I know what you're saying and see some truth in it, but don't subscribe to it entirely. Myself personally, I don't much care for a woman unless she's at least 40 (and I mean age, not waist size or IQ) and I've laid eyes on some women who look pretty good even at 50 or 60 or more (but that's just me, I'm a warped old pig and I prefer them older). The young ones may seem hotter, but too often they have shit for brains and not much to offer unless man enjoys having his wallet picked clean (the old ones sometimes fall into the same category, but usually they have more life experience and occasionally more gratitude). Like Ben Franklin said about older women, "they don't swell, they don't tell and they're grateful as hell." Wise old bird, that Ben Franklin.

Brian said...

LOL!

IRISH said...

Off Topic, for now :). Back on your "jumping the shark" post you mentioned no one knows or pays attention to how the federal reserve works. What, in your opinion, is the best book or books on the subject? Thanks!

Be safe :)

IRISH said...

Now back to your subject at hand. Here is a great website.. marksdailyapple.
http://www.marksdailyapple.com/#axzz2I4Crndjq. It takes time but it works. His book is well worth reading.
The Primal Blueprint. Another good book is The Art And Science of Low Carb Performance. We need healthy fats, greens and clean protein. All preferably from pasture or grass-fed sources. Stay away from all vegetable oils, wheat, simple sugars. Limit fruit and nuts to treats. Don't fall for low-fat food sources. Eat items with minimal ingredients.

Last year I lost 37 lbs on high fat, moderate protein and low carb diet. With exercise, especially lifting weights. No Beer, only vodka soda or whiskey. No diet drinks just water, coffee or tea. Do some reading on
primal/ paleo. There are a lot of success stories..

Another author is Robb Wolf... http://robbwolf.com/

Good luck!

Anonymous said...

I agree with Irish-Follow Mark! I have been low carb for 3 years and never gain more than 5lbs when I cheat, and then it comes right back off! Even though I am a girl, at 45...You know the rest. Being a nurse, I've yet to find another way to be weight stable. I am 5'4" and 120 FWIW!

Lisa

Brian said...

There are several but the Creature from Jekyll Island is comprehensive and reads like a mystery novel-even the critical reviews of this book are good. Here's one. http://www.amazon.com/review/R2TXH2NX6KRKF3/ref=cm_cr_pr_viewpnt#R2TXH2NX6KRKF3

Brian said...

Thanks Irish- I m headed there now!

IRISH said...

I just ordered it :) Good luck on the paleo blogs. When you go to Marks Daily Apple.. Scroll through the Success stories.

Compleat Patriot said...

God dammit Brian, You put far to much emphasizes on grammar, writing, articulation and sweet talk fairy tale telling; If I was a murderer I'd convince you I wasn't.

Ed Griffin is a particularly nasty cookie, as he clearly purposefully tries to obscure the crucial messages of Ezra Pound and Eustace Mullins. Knowing the Money Power there is every reason to suggest that this is the main reason Ed Griffin exists and why we all know about him. Ezra Pound was probably the greatest political commentator of the 20th century. He profoundly studied and explained the Money Power’s origins, ‘ethics’, methods, economics, sociological effects and of course its control over money far better than any others. Ezra backed Eustace Mullins book, "The Secrets of the Federal Reserve" is a great reference work if you want names, dates, associations, and quotes. And the absolute best expose is, THE “FEDERAL” RESERVE CONSPIRACY AND ROCKEFELLER by Emmanuel Josephson.

Keep in mind, Edward Griffin gets his book in every book store in America. Ezra Pound gets falsely accused of being mentally incompetent and locked away in an asylum for 13 years. And Mullins is falsely accused of being a Jew hater. How convenient. Somebody recently said here how do we replace the bad guys with the good guys? YOU STOP IGNORING THE GOOD GUYS AND START IGNORING THE BAD GUYS…

The bulk of Emmanuel Josephson's treatise deals specifically with the Rockefeller clan’s management of the illegal takeover of America’s money system in 1913 with the bogus “Federal” “Reserve” System. Josephson's book often merely corroborates what other writers on this subject have written–writers like Eustace Mullins and G. Edward Griffin. But Josephson also often divulges more than those other two writers: Josephson’s research leads him to link the designs of the Rockefeller's with Adam Weishaupt’s Illuminati and, ultimately, the Vatican. He ultimately shows that this last of these has the real control over the “Fed.” This is a gigantically portentous finding on Josephson’s part–portentous historically, of course, but even more so in eschatalogical terms. It adds yet more confirmation to what the progenitors of the Reformation had long ago warned: That the Papal System was and is the Antichrist System. Josephson documents the long-suppressed and forgotten history of the 1800s wherein and how the Jesuits infiltrated this republic, decapitated it, and ultimately usurped it. And so this is where we stand today. Open your eyes, turn off the TV, throw away your radio, cancel your newspaper subscription, and deal with it.

The largest issue at hand in this country occupied by that corporation you guys feel a false entitlement ownership towards under that "We the People" charade is this, first off study on the the legal difference of " we the people" with and without capitonym use. Then ask yourself why this society is only taught fourth grade through eighth grade level English when your "leaders" are all taught fourth grade through 17th grade level English, combined with legal terms. Anyone want to explain to myself how the layman voter can compete against that?

"We the People" and our Posterity was not nor ever was YOU. You're not family of the signatories of that contract.

Frauds I've contended with doing this research. Edward Griffin. Alex Jones, Steve Quayle, Jeff Rense, Eric Jon Phelps, Craig Oxley…

The truth of intent, is in the Historical Archives of The Congressional Globes, annals and records of Congress and The Supreme Court. The voter offers no challenge against their game. NONE.

This is why at Candid I post legal evidence from these horses mouth sources.


Mullins and others who have read both books accuse Griffin of plagiarizing Mullins book. He did.


Eustace Mullins' on FED, Ron Paul, Rockefeller & G. Edward Griffin
http://youtu.be/FiUGrlLccDc

Brian said...

I offer no argument here, Greg. In fact, I'm not sure what difference it makes. The point is the same. Now whether that comes from Mullins or Griffin- who cares! I am not interested in debating the merits of one author v another for chrissakes.

That the Catholic church may be at the center of all of this is not particularly new or useful given their scandalous history. That has never been a point of contention although you often write like it is. However, you do raise a few very interesting points in that rant like Ezra Pound and The Secrets of the Federal Reserve which I may look into.

Dude, you crack me up. Just save me a spot in the bunker. Did you like that crack some reader said about us needing therapy, desperately? I said we have had therapy- you should have seen us before!

Compleat Patriot said...

I wonder sometimes if equal open enlightenment of all knowledge shared between all men allowing for no secrets, full transparency across the board, if that would have kept some balance between men with good in them versus men with evil in them? Because what you have is the most incredibly out of balance playing field with the evil men in full control while 98% of the good men cannot even see it much less make any decent challenge against it. The evil men are not lazy, stupid, ignorant nor apathetic. I've decided the bastards never sleep either. No bunkers or compounds here. I like it right out in the open.. We'll have a barbecue..

IRISH said...

I wanted to ad a couple good books (IMHO) that gave me some good insight. The power of now by eckhart tolle and the willpower instinct by Kelly mcgonigal. Just something to ad to your list :-)

Brian said...

I credit Tolle with changing my life. When Tolle said bad thoughts can only come from the past or the future- that stopped me dead in my tracks. I had never thought about that. I had always felt guilty about my mistakes and constantly worried about the future.