Monday, February 11, 2013

Navy Seals Need Collective Bargaining, Union Representation

I can't imagine breaking into somebody's home or compound and killing them. I have kicked a few doors in my day- but never with the intent of killing someone or being killed myself. I suppose that level of risk taking- kicking doors and killing folks- requires compensation commensurate with that level of risk. So...

The times they are a changin'.

Seems the Navy Seal that put two holes in Bin Laden's forehead is now whining because the military has abandoned him. He does not get medical benefits for life or even a pension. He quit four years short of the 20 year minimum retirement age- a requirement which has been in effect since Christ was a Corporal.

Maybe nobody explained the rules to him. was in the contract, buddy.

All of this risk taking, door kicking, and killing is worth more than 3 grand a month, isn't it?
Maybe it's time for some collective bargaining. I mean after all, doesn't our Commander in Chief support unions?

Can you imagine the possibilities had the Navy Seals formed their own public union prior to the Bin Laden raid? It might go something like this.

Seal Team Leader/Union Rep: Umm, Commander can I have a word with you?

CDR: Sure.

Team Leader: Commander, me and the guys were sitting around playing two card guts- night before last- and talking about this raid...

CDR: Yes..

Team Leader: Well it seems like a pretty risky thing to do... this flying in the middle of the night into a country who has not given us permission to be there, landing helicopters in a compound with armed Al Qaeda people running around and killing the world's greatest boogeyman. We're just not sure that 18 bucks an hour is adequate compensation for something like that. I'm not sure what the going rate is for killing the world's greatest boogeyman is... but it's gotta be worth something north of 18 bucks an hr, eh?

CDR: What's your point?

Team Leader: Well Commander, we want to be adequately compensated. So me and the boys drew up a little contract after Smitty lost three hundred in the guts game. We want 40 bucks an hr. from here on out, because this ain't some Somali pirate we're after. We want medical, dental, and vision insurance with no deductible.  We want a 5% shift differential because this shit is happening at night and it interferes with our sleep patterns and family life. All of us want to be able to retire as soon as the mission is complete. We also want new identities, paid for homes, and a million dollar bonus if we get Bin Laden. We also want the publishing and movie rights to the story. Oh yea, and some of those pastries with the cream cheese in them. That about covers it.

CDR: Are you out of your fucking minds?

Team Leader: No sir. We even drew up a contract, paid some dues, and hired a union attorney from Chicago. We want collective bargaining. We're prepared to strike if the Navy is unwilling to meet our demands.

CDR: We'll just get Seal Team Five to do the gig.

Team Leader: Nah, we called them last night. We told them you might try this shit, so Seal Team Five agreed to send us their union dues. They said they've got our backs. We're prepared to kill any scabs that cross our picket lines- Airborne Rangers or any of that bullshit- maybe instead of killing them we'll stick a few flashbangs up their asses.

CDR: Umm, let me get back to you.

Team Leader: Yes sir! Just remember, if we don't fly- Bin Laden won't die. Capiche?


Anonymous said...

Maybe drones would be cheaper. More collateral, however.

Anonymous said...

I feel for the poor bastard that was shot in the compound,because it sure as hell was not OBL. We know he died in 2001 it was reported many times ,Christ even Bush said so himself "that he was most likely dead and he did not really care weather or not", and that was in 2004. Stop drinking the koolaid (Floride)people.