If you are reading this, I am assuming that you have survived all of the dirty bombs and weird acting people trying to hi-jack planes yesterday. Thankfully, the government was on the job and saved us- once again.
Late last week, Obama gave us his "jobs" speech. It was only days before, as Obama steadied himself over a left to right breaking knee knocker for bogey, that he realized we have an employment problem in this country. Now suddenly, three years into his term, Obama has declared this whole lack of jobs thing- a dire emergency. We must pass his half trillion jobs bill, chop chop. Here is the campaign version of the speech. A 42 second recap. It's ok to pass on this speech. Trust me- there will be others.
I think what you will see is a President who is frustrated with all of those mean people in the House. Imagine how you would feel if you alone were chosen to lead the country and you were obstructed. Stymied by a bunch of half witted, no accounts. All of that unused genius. Now Obama has already wasted a trillion bucks on stimulus and a new half trill represents a cool 1.5 trill that he can burn through. That is 1500 billion or 150,000 million.
The President, just as perceptive and astute as we might expect any genius to be, is going to introduce his jobs bill today. There is not one chance in hell that this thing will get passed as proposed- if at all. When it doesn't pass, the President will say, "See I told you. The GOP hates jobs and they are doing this because they refuse to cooperate with me." Krugman will howl. The libtards will scream foul. And Billy Moonbat will tell me it's all Bush's fault. I can't take it anymore. I have a better idea.
Let's select 150,000 unemployed citizens, people that have filed at least 5 years of consecutive tax returns up until 2007, and have us a good ol' fashioned government giveaway. So what if we need another trillion? Debt is not something this administration fears. If unemployed folks have salaries which have plummeted precipitously since '07 and remained low, they will be eligible for Obama's new program, "Who wants to be a millionaire?" We can then select these lucky winners at random, in drawings. Here's the upside. We won't have to waste administrative time and money, deciding who gets what. We won't have to worry that Obama will simply give the money to his friends and cronies like he has demonstrated with incidents such as "Solargate." Plus we can tax the hell out of the winners. We can grab 50% of their dough in combined state and federal taxes before they even get their checks. Of course this will reduce the deficit and set us on the path to recovery! Woohoo! What's not to like? We won't even make people answer questions or pretend to laugh at Regis Philbin jokes.
Trying the same thing over again. Achieving different results. That's the dream. Like Carlin says... You gotta be asleep to believe it.